Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
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Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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