called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
