just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
