Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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