Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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