oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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