Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
