Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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