can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
