guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
