My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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