i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
