Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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