Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
