im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
