I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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