I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
