Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
