just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will be naked everywhere
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
