Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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