perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
