Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
