In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
