thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
