I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
