There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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