I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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