Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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