After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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