I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
