Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
