Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
