Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
