On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
