hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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