It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
