We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Blood and glitter go together right?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
