So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
