Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
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You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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