based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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