Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need to calm my uterus...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
