i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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