I wish I only lived at night.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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