the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
