Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
