she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
