At least make sure they are 18
Why
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
