This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
