She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's the barista slut.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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