They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
