Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
