Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
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the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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