You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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