I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
