moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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