Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
