I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
