We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
