entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
