I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
