I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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