I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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