Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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