Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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