FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When are your genitals available?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize