He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
