It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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