I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
