I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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