Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
