I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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