I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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